Well, don't worry, we won't be taking a trip down that long of a memory lane. But I do feel the need to think about the last year. This has not been a very good year for me, as a matter of fact, it started off low, got a lot lower, and has slowly been working it's way back up.
A year ago today, instead of being taken out to lunch by my mother, which was the plan, I had to sit home waiting to speak with contractors about repairing a sink hole that had developed a few days before in my front yard. In the end, that sink hole would take over 6 weeks to repair, during which time I had only water from a hose into the condo, cost thousands of dollars and it would make me realize that I'd never liked the place to begin with. The shining points of my birthday 2010 was that my brother sent me flowers and my friend Michael J. Lee sent me flowers - because clearly I needed a little emotional boost. And my darling pal Rob came down to take me to dinner - which included a trip to Home Depot as I recall, dirty hair and dirty clothes.
I was going to post a pic of the sink hole, but prefer to not dwell on that mess. In the midst of the mayhem, I was also fighting with my bank about the state of my mortgage (Bank of America) as they had lost some very important paperwork related to my reducing my payments - which of course they blamed on me. Three years of recession had taken its toll and as I am my only source of support, things had gotten tight. So, after months of negotiations and reams of reporting and paperwork, they lost a single piece of paper and threw out my modification application.
photo by Linda Merrill
I realized that the sink hole in my front yard was a sign. A sign that I should stop fighting for the condo (with its regularly flooded basement level bedrooms, mediocre condo management and leaky windows) and simply move on from it. So, even though I loved my adorable kitchen that I had slaved over with my friend Rob:
photo by Michael J. Lee Photography
This was back in March. I didn't share any of this with very many people as I was completely humiliated by the situation. Time, and ongoing anger towards the bank which still hasn't finished the process, has made me realize that I acted in the best manner I could. I tried to meet my obligations and had left with my head held high. I am now not living in my own place and for a decorator, it's very difficult to not be able to nest and create my own home. But for the moment, not having to pour the entirety of my income into living expenses is an enormous relief. And I am lucky, very lucky, that I had a place to go with a warm bed, good food and a space to continue working on my business. I never forget that many people don't have that kind of support.
Less than a week after I moved, before I had really unpacked, I was flown down to High Point with a group of bloggers to take in the scene. Again, just as I was in the middle of chaos, my professional life reminded me that there are bigger things to be doing, places to go, people to meet, friends to make. It was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. And, although I was really exhausted physically from the move and emotionally from everything else, and even though I was literally fielding lawyers phone calls between showrooms, it was fantastic!
An exhausted me, with the Keno brothers at the Theodore Alexander showroom, Marisa Marcantonio from Stylebeat, Megan Arquette from Beach Bungalow 8 and Skirted Roundtable partner, Lizzie from TA, and Cassandra Lavalle from Coco + Kelley blog.
In May, I attended Blogfest 2011, put on by Kravet. It was a fantastic 4 days in New York City, meeting bloggers from all around the country. And even though I was STILL fielding calls about the condo, it was a lot of fun! Sadly, my blogging has taken a beating this year and I still need to do some posts from these events!
Barbara Barry holds court in the Kravet Showroom during Blogfest 2011
After I got home from Blogfest, an amazing thing started happening. My phone started to ring. And kept ringing. Suddenly, I had slightly more work than I could handle! While I'd had work, of course, over the past couple of years, the clients were pretty spread out. Suddenly, I was juggling five in person projects and a virtual one to boot. I can't put my finger on what accounted for this sudden upswing, because it sure doesn't feel like the economy has taken an upswing (anything but!).
However, it's been a wonderful couple of months of helping people make their homes beautiful and functional. Lots of planning, shopping and drawing. Heaven! Of course, the biggest project on my plate ultimately evaporated when the client's put in an offer on a different home that didn't need all the work. But, to be a position where that news was merely disappointing and not devastating is certainly a blessing.
You may be wondering why I am sharing all of this now. I guess it's for many reasons. Of course, birthdays, and those on the cusp of really BIG birthdays can make one feel pensive. But it's also because I am sick of being embarrassed by a situation that I did my darndest to avoid and one that is also effecting millions of others around the world. Feeling like a failure is not fun and does a number on one's self-esteem. And that's just wasted energy!
I recently read Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson's autobiography. I am on record as having a "thing" for Craig (tall, handsome, funny, Scottish accent - what's not to love?). He was a black out drunk from the age of 15-30 and nearly committed suicide. Once he sobered up, he was in debt to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars and wasn't sure what to do with himself. He writes in his book, which chronicles his life and the process of becoming an American citizen "Americans taught me failure was only something you went though on the way to success, not just in the sense of career or wealth, but as a person. I learned that failure is only failure, and that it can be useful, spun into a story that will make people laugh, and maybe every once in a while give a message of hope to others who might need some".
In other words, we can be down, but we're not necessarily out. And to be ready when the second, third and fourth chances come. I love that.
This birthday is going to be a much, much nicer one. Today, my friend Michael Lee took three of us out to lunch who all share August birthdays. What a fun day we had enjoying Legal Seafood's on the Boston waterfront, even though the rain was pounding down.
Yvonne Blacker, of Design Vignettes and New England Finery magazine, Michael J. Lee, photographer and friend extraordinaire, Sharyn Fireman, the woman has done everything!, and me (in dire need of a dye job, I see).
And today, I finally get my fried clam lunch, postponed only a year, with my mother. And, I am running a client errand, because I have clients and the shopping must go on!
I think 49 will be a good year. I sure as heck feel more positive about my life than I did a year ago. Afterall, I am in a house with running water and dry carpets. But more importantly, despite all the mishegas of the last year, I was never without friends handing me tissues and offering hugs, family offering me all that and more, and constant reminders of just how lucky I really am. Stuff is just stuff. A house is not necessarily a home. It's what we make of it.
About the blue cape coat. When I was in the second grade, my mother made me a beautiful pale blue garbardine cape coat to wear to Mass on Easter. I loved it and couldn't wait to wear it. Easter morning came with a big blizzard and my ever-practical mother would not let me wear the coat because of the weather. I would be cold and the coat would be ruined. I threw a fit. A real heels pounding, screaming tantrum that we still talk about to this day. Actually, it did, in fact, came up today because my mother, still ever practical, couldn't believe I was planning on wearing my new silk dress to the Leo's luncheon mentioned above. The rain was pounding down and it's in the low 70's, upper 60's. I'd be cold, and the dress would be ruined.
And my reply? "Of course I am wearing my new dress. I will always be the girl who will wear the blue cape coat in the snow." Because life is for living, fabric is just fabric, and there is always a warm fire to come home to.
And my reply? "Of course I am wearing my new dress. I will always be the girl who will wear the blue cape coat in the snow." Because life is for living, fabric is just fabric, and there is always a warm fire to come home to.
If you would like my help on your design project, I would love to chat with you! Please email me. Thanks!
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